Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
