I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
