Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You took a bar mat shot.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
