i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
