i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
