Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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