They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
