Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
