i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
