I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
