Screwed.edu
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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