You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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