she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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