i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
