I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize