Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
