I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
operation have a gay friend backfired
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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