really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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