He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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