Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Randomize
