she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
