I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
smell my finger.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
