You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
