I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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