WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
