I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
