My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
