Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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