please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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