David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
