Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize