found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
