is your mom at the bar?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
