oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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