You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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