Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sext me about skeletons
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
