You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
