my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
