Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize