i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The power of my boobs compel you
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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