Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
