nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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