I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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