I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
