____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
