i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
