I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
