Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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