at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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