that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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