I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
