It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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