Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
