My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize