So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize