i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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