So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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