I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
