Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
