Pappa wants mamma naked
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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