You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
pray to the hookup gods
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
