I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
