Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
