I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
