Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
