Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
