Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
